When Anorexia and Pregnancy Collide: One Woman's Battle with Pregorexia

By Meghan Vivo

Although you won’t find the term “pregorexia” in a medical textbook, it is a very real disorder marked by preoccupation with weight control through extreme dieting and exercise while pregnant. Experts believe as many as one in 20 women suffer from an eating disorder during pregnancy. 

One of those women is Maggie Baumann, a brave soul who experienced pregorexia firsthand, overcame it, and went on to help treat hundreds of women struggling with eating disorders. In addition to sharing her story on “The Morning Show with Mike and Juliet,” she spoke with me in hopes of educating more women and their families about the complexities of eating disorders and the hope that treatment brings. 

The Early Warning Signs 

Maggie displayed eating disordered thoughts and behaviors her whole life – restricting herself to a highly regimented diet, eating in secret, and training intensely for athletic events – but she didn’t know the depth of her disease until she got pregnant. With her first child, Maggie gained 33 pounds and followed her doctor’s orders, but felt emotionally tortured by her lack of control and changing physique. 

During her second pregnancy, Maggie vowed to avoid the agony of forcing food down, cutting back on exercise, and losing control of her body, and gained only 18 pounds. When the doctor insisted that she stop going to the gym, she followed orders, but continued power walking, biking, and exercising vigorously. 

“Before I got pregnant, I had never really gained weight. I was always thin and athletic,” she said. “It was so difficult to watch my body go from a little boy’s figure to a woman’s body with curves. When I got pregnant the second time, a switch went off in my head that told me to do things differently this time. The loss of control was too horrifying to experience again.” 

There were definite warning signs of a life-threatening eating disorder during Maggie’s second pregnancy, but she was so far into her disorder and so disconnected from what she was doing, she was steeped in denial. She maintained a structured and physically taxing workout routine during most of her pregnancy. Eleven weeks in, she noticed some bleeding and was told by her doctor that she was having a miscarriage. She rested for a couple days, and went right back to her rigorous fitness regimen. She also avoided breastfeeding so she could maintain her exercise schedule without worrying about leaking, pumping, or other obstacles that could compromise her routine. 

“No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t feed myself for my baby,” Maggie said. “I told myself I could control this pregnancy by maintaining a strict diet and exercise routine. No warning sign was serious enough to shake the disorder.” 

The Root of the Disorder 

Eating disorders are complicated and unpredictable, with as many causes as there are women suffering from the disease. For Maggie, her eating disorder wasn’t simply about looking thin or feeling attractive. It was her way of coping with a series of hardships from her past, including her adoption as an infant, the death of close family members, her mother’s alcoholism and emotional detachment, and some difficult personal decisions from her high school years. 

However, like many pregorexics, Maggie got so many compliments for staying small during her pregnancy that she felt validated in her destructive efforts and proud of her unwavering self-discipline. She recalls that even as she was being rolled into surgery on a gurney to deliver her baby by C-section, the delivery nurses were congratulating her for maintaining her figure. 

Suffering the Consequences 

Throughout Maggie’s struggle with anorexia, she felt incredibly alone. No one, including Maggie herself, knew what was happening to her. The devastation she experienced trickled down to affect her children, her husband of almost 25 years, and others who cared about her well-being. 

Eating disorders can have severe consequences for both mother and baby. Research shows pregorexic moms miscarry more often and suffer from irregular heart rhythm, vitamin deficiencies, irregular menstrual cycle, and other health issues. The health risks children of pregorexics may face include neurological problems, smaller head size, lower IQ, birth defects, and impaired functioning later in life. 

Maggie’s second daughter, who weighed five pounds at birth, began having seizures at four months old. Now, at age 21, her daughter has been diagnosed with Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD). Doctors have attributed both of these complications to poor nutrition in the womb. 

Like most mothers, women with pregorexia want what’s best for their baby, but their eating disorder is so powerful and all-consuming, it controls every area of their lives. Despite their best intentions, they can’t do what they need to do without support. For Maggie, her motherly instincts kicked in the moment her children were born. 

“As soon as my daughters came out of my body, I immediately switched into the nurturing and loving mom I knew I could be,” she said. “I just needed them outside of my body to get there.” 

Ending the Cycle of Risk 

Experts believe that a “cycle of risk” may be occurring with pregorexics, whereby poor nutrition during pregnancy in under-weight women may lead to metabolic abnormalities and obstetric complications that then predispose her offspring to a later eating disorder. In Maggie’s case, this cycle proved true. Maggie’s birth mother was anorexic, and died at age 41 of a heart attack. So far, the cycle ends with Maggie – her daughters have maintained healthy, balanced lives, free from eating disorders. 

Understanding and regretting the hardships her children endured as infants, Maggie has worked hard to create a close, open relationship with her daughters. They now understand why their mom deteriorated and how to avoid the same struggles in their own lives. Because of these experiences, her oldest child is working toward becoming a nutritionist, and wants to work with young people with eating disorders. 

Today, Maggie’s daughters are 21 and 22 years old, respectively, and she is in full recovery from her eating disorder. After ending up in the emergency room with heart problems and near organ failure brought on by her eating disorder, Maggie’s doctor advised, “If you don’t get into a program tomorrow, it’s not soon enough.” Because outpatient treatment hadn’t been sufficient during previous attempts at recovery, she immediately sought treatment at a residential eating disorder treatment facility that specialized in treating anorexia, bulimia, and related issues. 

In treatment, Maggie learned healthy ways to handle the abandonment, grief, rejection, and low self-esteem that had plagued her since childhood. She also studied what a healthy relationship with food and exercise looks like, and has achieved balance in those areas of her life. 

“I had to go away to get treatment because I couldn’t stop my life to do it,” said Maggie. “I was too invested in my disorder and too obsessed with my routine to take the time to get better. Basically, I needed to stop to start.” 

In a new environment, away from her familiar habits and routines, Maggie began learning to surrender control. She not only learned new coping skills, but had the opportunity to practice them on a daily basis under the guidance of a supportive team of eating disorder experts. 

“Learning to surrender control and accept myself was the most important part of treatment for me,” she said. “I always thought something was terribly flawed about me, but I don’t feel like a mistake anymore. I know I can survive whatever happens to me, without grabbing hold of the eating disorder to pull me through.” 

Despite a few ups and downs over the years, Maggie now weighs more than she has ever weighed (roughly the amount she weighed when she delivered her second daughter). She takes comfort in knowing that she is healthy and that she has a team of people supporting her. She doesn’t over-exercise or restrict anymore, and has found healthy ways to channel her emotions. 

“I look back now, 10 years later, and can’t believe I did that to my babies,” she said. “How can a mother not nourish her child? But I didn’t do it to harm my child – it was the disorder and the denial that goes along with it. My kids mean absolutely everything to me. They’re the most important people in my life. This disease is just that powerful.” 

According to Maggie, her therapist was the one who helped her most during treatment. “I was so detached from my emotions, I didn’t even know what I didn’t know,” she said. Years into her recovery, Maggie became inspired to help people in the same way she had been helped. She became a therapist and began working at The Victorian, a world-renowned Victorian-style facility for the treatment of women with eating disorders and co-existing substance abuse issues in Newport Beach, California. 

Many women who suffer from eating disorders also struggle with the dual diagnosis of substance abuse. In order to achieve lasting recovery, all emotional and psychological issues have to be addressed at the same time, as part of an integrated treatment plan. What makes The Victorian unique is the staff’s expertise in effectively treating both eating disorder and substance abuse issues simultaneously, using a “no-resistance” style of treatment. 

“Now that I’m a therapist, I know the opportunity to help others like me is a gift,” said Maggie. “I finally feel like I’m doing what I’m supposed to be doing.” 

Words of Advice to Eating Disorder Sufferers 

Pregorexia is more common than people think. And because it is a condition steeped with guilt and shame (How could a mother harm her child?), many sufferers are afraid to speak out. 

If you or a loved one is pregnant and you’re concerned the mom-to-be may not take good care of herself or her baby, Maggie recommends talking with the woman’s doctor. She also advises that pregnant women with disordered thoughts or behaviors see a psychologist and nutritionist, forming a support team of professionals who will help her recognize whether or not she is doing the right thing for herself and her child. 

Maggie also advises women struggling with eating disorders to reach out to eating disorder support groups and to give treatment a try. The Victorian hosts an Anorexics and Bulimics Anonymous open meeting Monday evenings and Overeaters Anonymous open meeting Tuesday evenings, which anyone in the public can attend. Eating disorder treatment programs like The Victorian help women forge trusting bonds with other women, overcome feelings of shame and low self-worth, and learn to grocery shop, cook, and exercise healthfully. In a warm, nurturing setting, women suffering from anorexia, bulimia, binge eating, and other forms of disordered eating receive the care they need to build stable, meaningful lives. 

“Residential treatment can totally turn your life around,” advised Maggie. “So many women are afraid to take that step because they never think they’re sick enough. But what I discovered is you don’t have to be sick enough, you just have to be willing enough.”