Understanding the Misunderstood Eating Disorder: Pregorexia

By Meghan Vivo

Maggie has openly spoken of her struggles with pregorexia for years, but it was only recently that she felt the harsh backlash of her openness.

In the past few months, Maggie has appeared on various news programs talking about her battle with pregorexia (pregnant with anorexia). But one piece she wrote for the website Momlogic, a feature titled “Starving for Two,” sparked heated debate and an onslaught of criticism:

You selfish ˆ%$#$@ˆ& *&!

They need to throw her skinny butt in jail.

You should be sterilized so you are unable to harm more children!

While it isn’t surprising that a pregnant woman who admits to starving herself and her unborn baby would expose herself to some judgment and criticism, Maggie had no idea how much venom would be directed her way.

“I never imagined the depth of hatred I would receive,” Maggie told Courtney Perkes for a July 17, 2009 article in the Orange County Register. “My whole body was just numb reading these things. Then I started to understand where these people were coming from.”

After the initial shock wore off, Maggie realized that much of the judgment she received closely resembled the comments she made to herself during and after her struggle with pregorexia. Like her critics, she didn’t understand why she behaved the way she did and struggled to find forgiveness until she received professional eating disorder treatment almost 11 years ago.

“On one hand, I completely understand the judgment. A mom naturally takes care of her baby and I couldn’t. To the outside observer, the logical question is ‘How could a mom not put her baby first?’” says Maggie. “But eating disorders don’t make logical sense; they overtake a person’s natural instincts and common sense. I know what I did was wrong, and I punished myself for years.”

Misconceptions about Pregorexia and Other Eating Disorders

The litany of criticism in response to Maggie's story makes clear just how important it is for people like her to share their stories and educate others about eating disorders. Pregorexia is a relatively new term and awareness of the condition is still developing.

Pregorexia, like anorexia, bulimia, and other eating disorders, is a mental illness, not a matter of vanity, selfishness, or a desire to be thin. In most cases, the root of the disorder is based in control, perfectionism, or using the disorder as a coping mechanism to deal with difficult emotions or experiences, explained Maggie. The behaviors of starvation and excessive exercise are symptoms of a major underlying problem that requires treatment and intensive therapy and rehabilitation.

Becoming pregnant doesn’t necessarily change a woman’s disordered mindset and behaviors. Despite her best intentions, for Maggie, caring for herself and her unborn child was something she was powerless to do.

“I never starved or exercised excessively to intentionally hurt my baby. No mother wants that,” said Maggie. “My fight was me against me, not me against my baby, even though my baby became a victim.”

Like other diseases, even the best of intentions can be overshadowed by an eating disorder. In some ways, pregorexia is like a drug addiction – the need to engage in the destructive behavior is all-consuming.

Body Image During Pregnancy

Pregnancy can be a challenging time for some women, particularly those who have struggled with a disordered eating mentality or body image issues in the past. It is a time of immense physical and emotional change, with weight gain, regular weigh-ins at the doctor’s office (which can create a challenge for women who are weight-conscious and number-oriented), hormonal changes, and new relationship dynamics with a spouse and family members.

During pregnancy, it can also be difficult to know where to draw the line with what constitutes a healthy diet, and how much exercise is healthy and how much is too much. The media complicates the problem by glorifying celebrities who never develop more than a tiny “baby bump” and who return to their pre-pregnancy weight within weeks of giving birth.

Despite the physical and emotional changes that accompany pregnancy, most women are able to meet their baby’s needs, or at least set aside their preoccupations for nine months, but others need help to do so. 

“For some women, the changes that occur during pregnancy can bring up a great deal of anxiety,” explained Maggie. “It can be difficult to feel so out of control of your own body. For me and others suffering from pregorexia, these emotional changes get directed toward the body in the form of an eating disorder.”

Overcoming Denial, Finding Forgiveness

During her pregnancy, Maggie didn’t entirely understand the severity of her eating disorder or the impact on her baby. Like many people with eating disorders, she suffered from intense denial. The realization came years later when she entered treatment.

“I think I was doing something so unfathomable and so unbearable that I couldn’t honestly examine my behaviors and be truthful to my family, my doctors, or myself,” she said.

Once Maggie's daughter was born, she was able to love and care for her fully, but some damage had already been done. Her daughter, Whitney, weighed 5 pounds, 11 ounces, and later developed seizures and attention deficit disorder, likely the result of inadequate nutrition in the womb.

Despite the troubles brought on by her pregorexia, Maggie's daughters are her number-one supporters. On Momlogic, Whitney contributed a post explaining that her mom is the most hard-working, selfless and unconditionally loving person she knows.

Whitney praised her mother’s courage, saying, “I am very proud of you for writing this amazing article. Go Mom! You are speaking for a silent voice. … I could not be more proud of my mother for not only having the strength to overcome her personal issues, but for exercising so much of her time to help others with the same issues.”

Today, Maggie helps women struggling with pregorexia, anorexia, bulimia, and related eating disorders at The Victorian in Newport Beach, Calif., a renowned residential eating disorder treatment program for women. Because of her personal experiences, she is able to offer the kind of compassion and healing she herself so desperately needed years ago.

Advice for Women with Pregorexia

In addition to all of the negative feedback, Maggie has received an outpouring of support praising her for her “brave journey” and courage in sharing her story. She is glad she is strong enough to discuss her disorder and help others confronting pregorexia.

“Fortunately, I completed eating disorder treatment many years ago, my daughters are now grown women, and I am strong in my recovery,” said Maggie. “Had I received this kind of response years ago, the trauma may have triggered a relapse of the eating disorder. I don’t like what I did and I won’t forget it, but I can’t condemn myself for life or I won’t be good for my kids today or anyone else. The experience of ‘going public’ has taken me full circle – I’ve learned a lot of important lessons and I’m glad I can share my story.”

Although she doesn’t recommend that individuals suffering from an eating disorder or those who are new to recovery share their story in such a public way, Maggie does advise individuals struggling with pregorexia or other eating disorders to reach out for support from loved ones, friends, doctors, or an eating disorder treatment program.

“Eating disorders are a survival mechanism – as long as you have the disorder, you think it is the armor that is protecting you,” said Maggie. “Only with treatment and support can people understand that the eating disorder isn’t an effective or healthy way to get one’s needs met.”

Finding Treatment for Pregorexia

If you are struggling with pregorexia or a related eating disorder, know that you are not alone. What you need isn’t guilt, blame, or embarrassment – you need help from a team of professionals, including a physician, dietician, and therapist, who will work with you and monitor your health throughout your pregnancy.

“It is very difficult to heal from an eating disorder on your own,” noted Maggie. “People need intensive treatment from a collaborative team as well as support through the various stages of recovery. No one needs to carry the shame of an eating disorder for the rest of their life.”

If you know someone who is suffering from an eating disorder, remember not to cast judgment until you’ve been in their shoes. Eating disorders are devastating, life-threatening diseases that destroy a person’s ability to care for their own well-being and sometimes that of others. It is difficult to admit having an eating disorder, particularly one that has hurt innocent people, but we can thank people like Maggie for letting us in on their pain so that others can avoid the shame and suffering of pregorexia.